QUOTES by Bill Cosby
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In America ... the seven ages of man have become preschooler, Pepsi generation, baby boomer, mid-lifer, empty-nester, senior citizen, and organ donor.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
The wisest married men give in early. They get in touch with the wife side of themselves, and that's when they stop arguing.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
My dad came over to the house... went into his pocket and pulled out a handful of money, and began to pass it out to the children... This was the same man who, when I was his child, I would ask him for 50 cents, this man would tell me his life's story.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
Because for me it is almost analgesic to talk about what the white man is doing against us. And it keeps a person frozen in their seat, it keeps you frozen in your hole you’re sitting in.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
All men should freely use those seven words which have the power to make any marriage run smoothly: You know dear, you may be right
Quote by -Bill Cosby
Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
There are certain times of the day when you need a balance - that is, your protein and your carbs. I'm a Barry Sears man. I believe that anything green is a carb, and I need 2:1. Two of the carbs to one of the protein.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
When I look at 55 percent of our black men dropping out of school, how bad off are we going to be when we need some lawyers?
Quote by -Bill Cosby
I think I am a good running back, but I'm really not that fast. There is only one thing I can do, that is throw a cross-body block. Picture perfect. I love it. Not that good at pass blocking.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
If I read the small print, and I see that what I love to taste has pantonaponamene or fake smeinlioaimine, then I have to hide in my room when I eat it. I'm still gonna eat it, it's just gonna be 'Don't come in here!'
Quote by -Bill Cosby
You don't know what you're going to fall in love with until you're exposed to it.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don't cry over the one person who doesn't.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
I love cake. I love pie. I love potato chips. I love salt. I do not want yogurt, plain yogurt. It's healthy. 'Why don't you like it?' Because it tastes like bad breath.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
When you're a father you censor yourself. You get just as angry with a child but you don't want to say, "What the filth and foul and I'll filth and foul, filth and foul and, yeah, ya filth and foul face, and I'll filth and foul, foul, filth!" You don't want to say that to a child so you censor yourself and you sound like an idiot: "What the... Get your... I'll put a... Get out of my face!"
Quote by -Bill Cosby
My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, "Let's get high and have fun." So they're high; now they're paranoid. "Am I falling out of this chair?"
Quote by -Bill Cosby
The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."
Quote by -Bill Cosby
I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are."
Quote by -Bill Cosby
I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!
Quote by -Bill Cosby
Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"
Quote by -Bill Cosby
Sigmund Freud once said, What do women want? The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
I never saw anything funny in a car commercial - but that's OK. Whatever they wanted to do - it's their product and I'm the spokesperson, and I'm going to deliver.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
If you watch kids looking at something on television, even something that's produced for them and is supposed to be funny, what you'll notice is that they don't laugh.
Quote by -Bill Cosby
George Booth and I are both funny, and from afar, without meeting, admired each other's work.
Quote by -Bill Cosby