The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.

I managed my life to the point that at age 19 I was still in high school. I decided I was too old to be walking down those hallways.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

Nobody asked you to flip burgers for the rest of your life.

My feeling is, personally, I want to die first... because I believe that when you die, your soul goes immediately up for judgment - and I don't want my wife up there first. No, the judgment will be horrendous.

With my wife Camille's help, I took to social networking. I'm working with the computers.

My wife and I have five children; the reason we have five children is because we do not want six

If I use the word romance, whether it's my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there.

My wife and I have five children. And the reason why we have five children is because we do notwantsix.

A father . . . knows exactly what those boys at the mall have in their depraved little minds because he once owned such a depraved little mind himself. In fact, if he thinks enough about the plans that he used to have for young girls, the father not only will support his wife in keeping their daughter home but he might even run over to the mall and have a few of those boys arrested.

I want to die before my wife, and the reason is this: If it is true that when you die, your soul goes up to judgment, I don't want my wife up there ahead of me to tell them things.

I recently turned fifty, which is young for a tree, mid-life for an elephant, and ancient for a quarter-miler, whose son now says, "Dad, I just can't run the quarter with you anymore, unless I bring something to read."

It doesn't make any difference how much money a father earns, his name is always Dad-Can-I.... Like all other children, my five have one great talent: they are gifted beggars. Not one of them ever ran into the room, looked up at me, and said, "I'm really happy that you're my father, and as a tangible token of my appreciation, here's a dollar.

The beautiful thing about older people is their ability to cut the fat off of conversation. When they talk, they don't go on forever and ever. They say what they have to say, and that's it. That was my grand dad. Some of the things he said stunned me, but his words were logical. I'll never forget them.