QUOTES by Steven Wright
Find most favourite and famour Authors from A.A Milne to Zoe Kravitz.
Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” and I said, “Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so…he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.”
Quote by -Steven Wright
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Quote by -Steven Wright
The judge asked, “What do you plead?” I said, “Insanity, your honor, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?”
Quote by -Steven Wright
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.
Quote by -Steven Wright
Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, “Wish you were here.”
Quote by -Steven Wright
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read.”
Quote by -Steven Wright
One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody’s satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV’s all over the world.
Quote by -Steven Wright
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn’t going to be on the road an hour.
Quote by -Steven Wright
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above…so I never have to go upstairs.
Quote by -Steven Wright
If you write the word “monkey” a million times, do you start to think you’re Shakespeare?
Quote by -Steven Wright
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
Quote by -Steven Wright
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Quote by -Steven Wright
I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it is. Every once in a while I’ll be listening to the radio and I say, “I think I might have written that.”
Quote by -Steven Wright
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, “If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?”
Quote by -Steven Wright
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Quote by -Steven Wright
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Quote by -Steven Wright
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
Quote by -Steven Wright
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, “What for?” I said, “I’m going to buy some sugar.”
Quote by -Steven Wright