I'm always tired.

I'm a much nicer guy than people think I'm going to be.

Regular people are the problem. It's not the government, it's not the invasive Big Brother, it's the fact that we're a nation of snitches and nosey people who then cry when somebody wants our personal information. I'm talking about people who are being voyeuristic to people's privacy.

I get away with 10 times more on 'Leno' than I would on any other show.

I'm boring. I really don't do much.

I choose to believe that we are addicted to the rush of being offended, the idea of it, rather than believing we have become a nation of emasculated children whose only defense against an abyss of emotional agony is a trigger warning.

I'm afraid if I start to enjoy life, the rug will be yanked out from beneath me.

Being a harsh, dirty comic, the last person on earth I ever expected to help my career was Jay Leno. I had always thought of performing on 'The Tonight Show' as an unachievable goal, because I bought into the myth that only squeaky clean, family-friendly material would be welcome there.

I figure I do a lot of things, none of them particularly well.

Don Lemon is one of my favorites. I love him.

I don't have jokes that I can't defend.

It's surreal to be hanging out on Ozzy's patio with him talking politics. It's so funny when people doubt that he's with it because he's a really sharp, smart guy.

I don't worry about the crowds agreeing with me anymore. I want them to laugh and have a good time, but I think they can disagree with you and still enjoy it.

Well, audiences will laugh at a lot of things that comedians won't.

A lot of times the mainstream public loves something, critics will hate it and then they'll think the public is stupid and they're above the public.

I like Fox, but I also like Anderson Cooper and Don Lemon.

I got really lucky that at age 12, I knew I just wanted to be a dancing monkey in front of people and entertain them, or try to. It's amazing that at age 12 I realized what a needy life I was gonna have.

I date but nothing really long term. I haven't had much luck. I probably haven't met the right woman. Most probably know to stay away from me.

I never expect anything. The more good things that happen the better, but I never expect anything.

I don't really like Phil Robertson and I think his opinion about gay marriage is stupid. But in a country where we want an honest conversation, we have to realize that part of the honest conversation is hearing things we don't like and discussing them.

I don't care if I offend people. I really don't care.

It's really hard to truly want people who you hate to have the right to say whatever they want. And we all disguise the ugly self-centeredness of it.

You know, a comedian's comedian is just that - it's a guy who's original and funny and can make comics laugh.

A lot of racism is paternalism. A lot of people hide their own racism because they treat blacks, minorities and other groups like children because deep down they feel superior and better than these people. And they don't feel like they should just treat a guy like a guy.