Comedy Quotes
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I've always been Ralphie, ever since I was a kid. My grandfather was Ralph. It suits me better to be Ralphie.
Quote by -Ralphie May
The overwhelming majority of my material has very little to do with my weight. It's certainly not the crux of my material.
Quote by -Ralphie May
I'm topical as hell. That's not going to change if I lose weight. There are a lot of comics that do 'fat jokes' better than I do - Louie Anderson, John Pinette, Gabriel Iglesias. These guys are phenomenal.
Quote by -Ralphie May
When I do jokes that maybe are seen as social commentary, I research them to the nth degree. I probably do more research than I do actual joke writing. I want to make sure what I'm saying is correct.
Quote by -Ralphie May
You can have a poli-science degree but if you don't know people, it doesn't do you a bit of good when you're talking to someone.
Quote by -Ralphie May
I've never seen myself as a victim because of my physicality. If I did play that game, I wouldn't be the comedian that I am.
Quote by -Ralphie May
Comedy is not about appearance; it's about rockin' a mike. Are they laughing? That's the only test.
Quote by -Ralphie May
In my entire life I've spent maybe three weeks with my dad under the same roof.
Quote by -Ralphie May
People don't know where to place me, and I think that's why my audience is so big.
Quote by -Ralphie May
I've been shortchanged and overlooked my whole life. And if you boo-hoo about everything, that's all you're going to do your whole life.
Quote by -Ralphie May
My jokes aren't predicated on my weight that much. I talk about it some, but it's definitely not the focus, so I don't feel any pressure to stay big.
Quote by -Ralphie May
I know I wanted to be a comic when I was nine. I was thirteen the first time I did it. I was attending a Methodist Church youth retreat at the University of Southern Alabama. They held a talent show on the last night. I won, and then I made out with a 14-year-old girl from Prattville, Alabama.
Quote by -Ralphie May
I go out and I meet people after the show, I take every picture that they ask for, I sign every autograph that they want. You know, there's merchandise for sale, but people don't have to buy anything. I'll sign their tickets, I'll sign whatever they want me to, I'll get a picture with them and I'll stay there with them as long as they want.
Quote by -Ralphie May
I've been called a race traitor, prejudiced about white people. It's ridiculous... I have a really, really diverse crowd. Most comedy clubs appeal to white audiences. I have a very mixed crowd. I have a lot of visibility in the black audience.
Quote by -Ralphie May
I'm a dirty, filthy animal and I'm a dirty comedian, but I got a lot of charisma and charm.
Quote by -Ralphie May
America thinks if you're fat, you're stupid. That's great. I want them to keep thinking that. Let them keep on thinking that because the truth is, the expectations are blown away even more when you realize what I'm saying and doing.
Quote by -Ralphie May
I'm an entertainer first. But I do as a stand up comedian, the way for me to evolve is to make a difference, to make people laugh and learn and do something different. Because there's too many comedians out there just making people laugh. And anybody can do that.
Quote by -Ralphie May
We are all fingers on the same hand. We may not look alike, but we are all needed.
Quote by -Ralphie May
I've had people hate me for my appearance. I think it gets me a certain level of empathy with the audience. If I was white and handsome and privileged, I probably couldn't talk about what I talk about because people wouldn't believe that I have empathy or I could be evenhanded and objective. It's strange.
Quote by -Ralphie May
In L.A., fat people are mythical. We're like Big Foot. 'Oh, yeah, my cousin knows someone who's fat.' Nobody's fat in L.A.
Quote by -Ralphie May
My audience expects me to push the limits, to be politically incorrect. I do that because for me, that's the only place where the fun is, when I get to push the boundaries and make people laugh at things that they probably didn't want to laugh at.
Quote by -Ralphie May
There's no getting around it - I am a politically incorrect, racially insensitive, culturally controversial comic, but at least I'm self-aware.
Quote by -Ralphie May
As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.
Quote by -Ralphie May
I don't just live in a bubble in Los Angeles. I'm on the road all the time. I say hello to people everywhere. That way, you get to see what despair is around the holidays. People are making terrible choices: Do I have heat in the winter or food on the table? Decisions between filling the gas tank or buying a gift for a kid.
Quote by -Ralphie May
Vegas needs a really funny, dirty, late-night show, and I'll tell it like it is, I promise you that. And you gotta love the audience I bring in.
Quote by -Ralphie May
I mean, comics fear sue - you know, lawsuits and stuff like that, just because they don't like to do paperwork.
Quote by -Ralphie May
I'm not PC all the time in my phrasing, because that meets a wall; people won't hear it.
Quote by -Ralphie May
If I can make you laugh and learn, I want to be like George Carlin and Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy and Sam Kinison and Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle. I want to be of that ilk, I don't want to just make you laugh, I want to make you think.
Quote by -Ralphie May
The people I make fun of most are white people. They're the dumbest ones. They really are.
Quote by -Ralphie May