Comedy Quotes
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The point with me is that it's always been, even with the stand-up, that the music has to be right. You have to take it seriously. You have to try and play it as faithfully as possible. That way it helps the comedy. Rather than just playing it in a silly way.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
I'm an omnivore, although I am trying to eat less meat. I went vegetarian for about two years, then I suddenly got a craving one morning and that was it.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
The two worst enemies of comedy are lack of sleep and not having had a decent meal.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
I am pretty laid-back as a parent, but I do like a lot of activity. So I am constantly suggesting things to do that involve some physical activity: cycling, mountain biking and paddleboarding.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
As a comedian and satirist you have to be neutral, because everyone's fair game. Once you show bias, you lose that.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
Somehow the Tories have deflected the righteous anger at the bankers who we bailed out. The Tories manage to take that outrage and direct it at benefit claimants. It's genius. Evil genius.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
My comedy comes from the actual music itself - they're observational musical gags. I could take the music away and it would just be some words.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
I think people are quite refreshed with politicians who aren't concerned with what Arctic Monkeys track they like, but with the day-to-day, dull business of politics.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
There is something very poignant about plastic bags. These lonely plastic bags that gradually disintegrate.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
When I was 15, I went to see the Stranglers at Bath Pavilion. I saw Jean-Jacques Burnel take off his bass and whack a skinhead over the head with it because he gave a Nazi salute. I thought: 'This is brilliant!'
Quote by -Bill Bailey
In my twenties, I floated around for years, doing the odd theatre job but mainly leading a hedonistic lifestyle, getting intoxicated in plenty of different ways in plenty of different places.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
As I get older, I have a very strong urge to know about stuff. I want to learn the names of trees and birds; that's the sort of knowledge I want to pass on to my son.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
At yoga you get some sense of spiritual space so that people don't intrude. You can go there and close your eyes and no one will talk to you. People are too worried about not fainting to bother with some bloke who was on the telly.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
Comedy is an indoors thing, so I take every opportunity to go outside. A lot of that involves finding places that are remote, or places where you can look at birds, or do mountain biking or paddle boarding or walking.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
One of the things I do really appreciate is that my audiences tend to be a wide range of ages and backgrounds, and I ascribe that to putting in the hours.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
If I'm a national treasure, does that mean I'm like the Elgin Marbles and will get repatriated at some point?
Quote by -Bill Bailey
The worst thing is when people try and take pictures surreptitiously. I always say, 'Look, you can ask me for a photograph. You will get a much better one than just the side of my face.' Sometimes they just run off. They can't cope.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
All kinds of things have gone into my shows - cajun and rock bands, Bollywood, Kraftwerk tributes, effects and so on. As long as it services the comedy, everything is up for grabs.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
I realised that the 'future' is different to how I imagined it. When I was a kid I thought it would be a bright, shiny Tomorrow's World. It isn't.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
In a way, I wish none of it had ever happened - Facebook, Twitter - if it had never happened the world would have just carried on serenely. It's utterly redundant and yet we all have to be involved in it somehow.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
My grandparents lived with us. And I remember watching 'Doctor Who' with my granddad on his new telly. These were the days before remote controls but my granddad, being quite a resourceful sort of chap, had fashioned his own remote control - which was a length of bamboo pole with a bit of cork that he'd glued on the end.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
Normally, with stand-up, it's quite solitary, you write the material on your own, you perform it on your own, it's all very much on you. Your own thoughts. You have to sort of modulate your own performance.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
For me, audio books was about when you can't actually physically get hold of a book, like when you're driving. It's a fantastic companion on a long journey.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
My grandfather had strong opinions. He was an argumentative character and quite staunchly socialist.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
My mother was a classic matriarchal figure. She'd sing round the house and always had music on.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
I was an only child but I never longed for a sibling. It just didn't occur to me.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
Family helps you make clearer choices about things. Your priorities become clearer. Your obligations become clearer, and that is something I welcome.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
We are almost in a time beyond jokes, beyond satire. When the Trump era is called the 'post-truth' period, then this is the greatest joke of all, albeit quite depressing.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
I did a show in this tiny town called Longyearbyen. We went snowmobiling around Svalbard and saw Arctic foxes, snow bunting, polar bear footprints and almost got lost in a blizzard.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
There was an existential moment - I don't know if I want to call it crisis - when I turned 50 and I felt 'this is interesting; how did this happen?' It affected me in a way I wasn't expecting. It made me pause for reflection.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
I prefer the simple things and I love walking in the countryside, or going camping... but simplicity is hard. It's easier to over-complicate things.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
Riding a horse and using a phone camera is tricky but if you don't take pictures or record the moment, you lose it. You want to have a record of it.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
I hate all those celebrity sculptures like Tussauds, where everyone is dressed in spangly suits and they are all smiling.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
I met Amy Winehouse a few times and she was always funny, charming and self-deprecating - just a delight to be around.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
I was asked to do an ad campaign for a supermarket once. I was baffled. It's strange when you realise your popularity or reputation is a marketable commodity; it's a stock, a currency.
Quote by -Bill Bailey
When I was in Cardiff, playing with the National Orchestra of Wales, they said they get letters from people complaining if they're smiling during the concert. Nuts, isn't it? As if you have to respect the solemnity of the music by not smiling. Music is this joyful thing that enriches our lives, and you're not supposed to smile?
Quote by -Bill Bailey