Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.

I always say, when you're onstage you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's okay. Thank God the majority are in my corner.

I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, 'Gee, if only I'd done 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' on Broadway, I would have been happier.'

Don't call me 'sir; 'King Jew' will do fine.

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

The girls, like, in we'll say Hooters, have less clothing than the girls I worked with in those days. We thought it was wild when they just wore little bells and so forth. But today, in restaurants, some of the waitresses almost work in the nude, you know, to get business.

My mother was a Jewish General Patton.

I write my own tweets.

They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities.

Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.

The average person pushes an elevator button 6 or 7 minutes before realizing it's not working. I did a study on this, you know.

There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage.

I busted my bird for 60 years in the business, but my grandkids only know me as Mr. Potato Head.

Sinatra had a lot of mood swings, but he was wonderful to my wife Barbara and to me. He made no bones about who he liked and who he loved, and he had this great charisma. When he walked into a room, it stopped. I've only seen that happen with Ronald Reagan.

Frank Sinatra. Hey, Frank, I saw you in 'The Pride and Passion,' and I want to tell you the cannon was wonderful!

My whole act is off the top of my head.

Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.

Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.

Honestly, I didn't realize it - all of a sudden, I was 90. The years skipped by quickly. When it happened, I said, 'Where did the time go?'

Alan King, a comedian I adored, was considered society, and I was considered the Jewish kid from the neighborhood.

Girls were scared of me because I can be loud. Barbara, my wife of 51 years, is very low-key. She was my picture agent's secretary.

Nobody ever dared with Frank, because he had such mood swings, and you never knew how he was going to react. But I could tell the minute I saw him that he was going to be in my corner.

If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.

You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up.