Until I got the weight off, there was something inside of me that said, 'You hate yourself.' You get too depressed over the weight to really work on this. For whatever reason, I had to take the weight off to do this work.

I didn't feel ready to leave home, because it went from no freedom to all freedom. And I was like, 'Oh, my God, I don't know what I'm doing in college.' There seemed to be no like-minded people where I was... I didn't have a clan. I didn't have a choir... There was no safety net.

You have to really be on your own side.

Comedy is like music - there are genres and styles for every taste. Katy Perry is there for people who like frothy pop music. Metallica is there for people who like head-banging metal. And Susan Boyle is there for... well, I don't who the hell is listening to that freak of nature, but that's not the point. In art, there's something for everybody.

In the end, censoring a comedian's jokes is on par with censoring 'Huckleberry Finn.' Now, I'm not comparing myself to Mark Twain - he had much wavier hair and a slightly thicker mustache. But when you deny an artist the chance to explore his art, you're forcing your beliefs on him.

By being politically correct, you're closing your mind to a different point of view. Which sounds a lot like prejudice. Which is definitely not politically correct. See what I just did there?

William Shatner is living proof that if you are talented and nice, you can work in this industry forever.

Don't laugh at a hair joke, Trump.

Donald is very happy with his lovely wife, insert name here.

I can really serve the audience instead of making this about me and about serving myself and my pocketbook.

What we do as comics can be a service to people. It can make them laugh and take their mind off their problems for a few minutes.

I really think the biggest honor, as a comic, is to get roasted by either the Friars Club or the Comedy Central or someone like that. Because it really shows, you know, that you've arrived.

I'm way too famous and rich to be on a dating app, but if I get very desperate by the time I'm 60, I'll go on Tinder. Or I'll go on 'Millionaire Matchmaker'; I'll call Patti Stanger.

I honestly feel like 99 percent of people have some kind of self-hate about their looks, and if I can joke about mine, maybe they can feel better about theirs.

I've really been working on the emotional and internal issues that made me eat in the first place. It's been a real journey.

I have rage and anger issues. So I get mad about stuff in real life, and then I yell about it onstage, and luckily, something funny ends up coming out. What I'll do is tape-record it, and it will end up coming out even funnier. And I add more punch lines.

I would make a few jabs at myself and go for the audience - they are still as flawed as ever.

By Hollywood standards I'm still fat: until you are zero, you are big. I do get cold a lot now. I used to have a lot of layers - now I got to get a fur coat.

I lost over 100 pounds, so I'm even angrier than ever. I don't stuff my feelings anymore with food. Skinny girls are funny.

None of my comedy depended on looks. I never did tons of fat jokes.

I looked around and couldn't believe no one has written a show about women and eating. It's the biggest issue women have.

I thought I had to work at someplace everybody's heard of. It was never, 'I'm interested in such and such. I want to work in such and such magazine.' It was like, 'Oh, my G-d, I really need to work for somebody so people will think I'm OK.' So I got a job at 'Popular Mechanics'.

I'm not looking for 'outer esteem' anymore, what they call 'other esteem.' I'm looking for self-esteem. And people think that self-esteem is built with accomplishments. And, 'Hey, look what I did in my life.'

When you're dealing with a sick person, you're not important at all. You're just a nobody.