"I do think you are supposed to go through wars with your child because otherwise the tearing apart that has to happen when they go off to lead their own life would be unbearable."

"That's the weird thing about not being married - you can't get regular kissing; you can't be guaranteed of it, and that's a great shame."

"The theatre is one of those muscles - if you don't exercise it, it becomes a strange and truly fearful place."

"Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage."

"It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters."

"I see you that have a little swimming mouse"

"If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm?"

"They were Jesuits," she told me. "That means they believe in God but not in terlet paper. You should have seen their underwear. Disgusting."

"The message was that if something is free, you should only take the best. If, on the other hand, you're forced to pay, it's best to lower the bar and not be so choosy."

"Nobody pours stuffing like you do, my friend."

"Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes."

"College is the best thing that can ever happen to you," my father used to say, and he was right, for it was there that I discovered drugs, drinking, and smoking.."

"Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read."

"You can't brace yourself for famine if you've never known hunger."

"It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers."

"It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America."

"The Korean man nodded, the way you do when you’re a foreigner and understand that someone has finished a sentence."

"It doesn't matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going."

"Sir, I have found you an argument; but I am not obliged to find you an understanding."

"What provokes your risibility, Sir? Have I said anything that you understand? Then I ask pardon of the rest of the company."

"I would advise you Sir, to study algebra, if you are not already an adept in it: your head would be less muddy, and you will leave off tormenting your neighbors about paper and packthread, while we all live together in a world that is bursting with sin and sorrow."

"Nay, Madam, when you are declaiming, declaim; and when you are calculating, calculate."

"Life will not bear refinement. You must do as other people do."

"My Dear Sir: Are you playing the same trick again, and trying who can keep silence longest? Remember that all tricks are either knavish or childish; and that it is as foolish to make experiments upon the constancy of a friend as upon the chastity o"