QUOTES by Rodney Dangerfield
Find most favourite and famour Authors from A.A Milne to Zoe Kravitz.
“I was so poor growing up – if I wasn’t a boy – I’d have had nothing to play with.”
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“With my dog I don’t get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don’t want to go out. He wants me to leave.”
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.”
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“At 20 a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.”
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.”
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“A girl phoned me the other day and said…’Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.” –
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.”
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“My wife was afraid of the dark…then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.”
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't.
Quote by -Rodney Dangerfield