"You should set goals beyond your reach so you always have something to live for."

"Life is a game. Money is how we keep score."

"As far as my journal, I want to share tour life with my fans."

"My life is like a lone, forgotten Q-Tip in the second-to-last drawer."

"Do you or do you not like wearing earrings in your mouth that will one day smell like your ex-boyfriend's dick?"

"In my opinion, a problem derails your life and an inconvenience is not being able to get a nice seat on the un-derailed train."

"And when you're young you want to fit in. Hell, I still want to fit in with certain humans, but as you get older you get a little more discriminating."

"No motive is pure. No one is good or bad-but a hearty mix of both. And sometimes life actually gives to you by taking away."

"Life is a cruel, horrible joke and I am the punch line."

"If my life wasn't funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable."

"I don’t want life to imitate art. I want life to BE art."

"Don't sell yourself short because without that you can't go far in life because after sports the only thing you know is sports and you can't do anything else with that."

"But now in this day and age, people are more prone to go out to try new things to enhance their performance on the field - to enhance their physical appearance."

"I have been a fan all my life, but now I have been out of football for over 10 years, and out of baseball for a little over six years and I don't go to games."

"My workout was running down fly balls, stealing a base, or running for my life on the football field."

"A fact of modern life is that it takes women longer to get ready than men."

"I have had a lifelong phobia of snakes."

"In real life, events seem much less dramatic."

"I worked half my life to be an overnight success, and still it took me by surprise."

"I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh."

"Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief."

"But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh."

"But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh."

"I didn't really get comfortable until I got to UCLA, and I had to take an acting course because I was studying theater arts."