At the end of the day, my career is not going to be judged by one or two or three moments in time. It'll be judged by the longevity of it.

I have been recording every single one of my shows since 1994. Every single joke I've ever done is on a hard drive. I can tell you when I wrote every joke I wrote. I can tell you the first time I said it, when I made it different, when I made it better.

When I was a kid, I was in love with one of the 'Charlie's Angels.' I told my dad, 'I'm going to marry somebody like Cheryl Ladd.' My dad said, 'You're not that good-looking, mijo. You're going to have to make a lot of money if that's what you want.' I went, 'Well, I want that, so I'm going to make money.'

I am living in a world where I am happy and doing what I love and making others happy.

The United States of America on our worst day is better than any other country on their best day. Period. End of story.

You know what, I stopped doing 'Mind of Mencia' because it got hard, and there was a lot of fighting, and it was just time to move on.

I'm a spiritual person: I believe that if you read the Bible, you get what you want from it. But, when you actually read it, you see the beauty, spirituality, the joy and love, and what makes us godly.

Here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends, who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like, I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.

When I was young and didn't have money, I liked gambling because winning and losing was fun for the rush of it.

We don't grow as human beings from good things happening. We grow from failures.

The fact that so many comics were waiting to jump on the bandwagon of hate toward me - what is it about me that engages this kind of behavior? I began to see it: My cockiness, my lack of hanging out with other comics. A lot of that wasn't my fault.

When the comedy community turned on me, I had a lot of reflecting to do.

The beauty of comedy is, when people come to a comedy club, there is a certain veil of reality suspended.

I have a short attention span.

If Jimmy Kimmel didn't hire me, I wouldn't have the kind of career I have. And I don't know what kind of career I have, but he changed my life.

Every time I go to a march or a rally, and I post it on Instagram, people will go, 'I'm going to unfollow you!' And I'm like, 'I used to play arenas. I've lost a lot of fans. I'm fine with that. I've had people unfollowing me for years. You're way behind the times.'

I was actually offered a talk show on CBS at one point, and I just didn't want to do it.

As long as there's a strong theme that I can identify with, that's what makes me interested in writing.

I try not to stick to any one thing, you know. That's always been important to me.

Marketing movies is hard.

I just write the stuff that comes out of me, and then after that, I try to get it made. But I don't think, 'Will I get the money?' and 'Who's this made for?'

Trust me: I entertain Joe Six-Pack 30 weekends a year. I don't really think that I'm an elitist.

When Will.I.Am punched Perez Hilton, I immediately purchased a bunch of their music.

Occasionally I'll have a slip, and I might watch 'RuPaul's Drag Race' or something. But for the most part, I am out on the reality shows.