I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It has taken off. We are the number one show in England on E! Who knew?

Show business is - you're there by somebody's fluke. And as long as somebody likes you, and the show is going well, you're fine. I'd do anything. There's so much I want to do.

It's like, God, I'm in my 80s. Nobody, when I die, is going to say, 'How young?' They're going to say she had a great ride.

If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.

I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.

I get butterflies before I go out to say hello at a party.

I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come up to me today, 'Your father helped my mother die.' You know what I'm saying? He made her laugh 'til she died. My father was always very funny.

I think I was the third person in the world to get a Kindle, and I hated it from the minute I got it.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

It's feast or famine in showbiz.

Fat jokes aren't relevant, but they're hilarious when you find them.

I love the Internet, and I love that you can say whatever you want.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I was not an attractive child.

I would not want to live if I could not perform. It's in my will. I am not to be revived unless I can do an hour of stand-up.

The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.

When I turn down work, I feel guilty, I feel terrible; I don't know where the next job is going to come from.

What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.

I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him.

Comedy is a very rough beat. It's no holds barred, as it should be.

I am a huge 'Downton Abbey' fan - huge!

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.