My God, the stage is the only place I know where to go.

I don't like any female comedians.

I want to know why the government of this country can't take care of the people who are keeping us safe?

When I get an idea, I start to write like I was electrically motivated.

My dad was a stickler for teaching me the pratfall. There is something magical about taking a good fall, and when it works, when you get that laugh, there's no better feeling in the world.

I think it has helped that I am so curious about what has been happening to me and that I have enjoyed watching the changes through my life, you know? I didn't know what was going to happen to me next.

Every day is another something that comes along.

An only child, I always wanted a large hug-house.

Billy Crystal, Steve Martin do wonderful things.

When I arrived in Las Vegas, I felt I was embraced by it.

Marilyn Monroe was a fabulous dame - fabulous.

I don't talk about anything negative.

I'm an unusual man. I know that.

You would not believe some of the scripts I have seen. I have read something like 160 that I've rejected, and I keep them all, for posterity.

When I'm working, I stay in ICU in any hospital that will get me a bed.

My family was as absolute as the work.Family was first always.

I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.

I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.

I've had the greatest respect for my work in this country by Americans. Critics have no brains.

It'll keep you alive for another 10 years if you get yourself a laugh once a day: either provoke it, or look around in the wildest laboratory in the world, the public.

I really am opinionated, but not for long. I have found myself coming off of what I think of something because the guy I'm talking to makes better sense than I am. I have so many points of view, I can't keep track of 'em, because I talk to too many people... I'm not so opinionated that I won't budge.

When I would be myself, I was being big-headed. I was being egotistical. I was a megalomaniac, when it really was just having not to be a monkey for a few hours a day. And fulfilling the need to be a man.

A lot of people resent that I've been in someone's life for 50 years. Why shouldn't people have an affection for me and what I've done? Didn't I have to be genuine for them to buy into what I did? There are children who grow up today who will not have that when they're 55 years old. With whom will they have it? Name an example for me.

I need the applause.