I've never been more than 9 years old.

I started as a writer. I had the dumb act, but I made my living from writing.

Most people are embarrassed to admit there's another human being that's in control of them, that your heart beats three times as fast because you've given yourself to someone else.

Love is what makes you dream, and love is what makes you want to get up in the morning. Love is something that you want to be a part of because it makes you better.

I was once six feet tall, but at 85, I'm now five feet four.

The film I did with Bobby De Niro, 'The King of Comedy' - an awful lot came to me out of that movie because De Niro never allowed me any room to be crazy. If I had tried to play it the way I would normally play it and get hysterical, Bobby would punch me.

If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.

You can't be faulted for being selfish if you're going to get better because of it.

You see, the people that have a point of view and have an opinion and have some intellect are dangerous in the film community - they're dangerous.

God hadn't made me handsome, but he'd given me something, I always felt: funny bones.

Gambling is part of the human condition. I love it. I have the best time gambling. I've been winning fortunes, and I've been losing them.

I have always said that I cannot allow the child within me to die. It's kept me alive.

Most performers are used to the highs and the lows. If you can let a low stop you, that would be a sad commentary.

I never tell an audience what they can expect. I never have, and I never will.

Nothing can stop anyone who has a love and passion about their work.

I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don't have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct.

You want to know why Barbra Streisand is so difficult? Because she's brilliant. She's a brilliant entertainer, she's a brilliant lady, and she's a wonderful human being, and the community doesn't like it.

You can ask me anything you want. That doesn't mean I'm going to answer you.

I've had great success being a total idiot.

I don't want to be remembered. I want the nice words when I can hear them.

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

I have a loyalty that runs in my bloodstream, when I lock into someone or something, you can't get me away from it because I commit that thoroughly. That's in friendship, that's a deal, that's a commitment. Don't give me paper - I can get the same lawyer who drew it up to break it. But if you shake my hand, that's for life.

I don't need to write comics for a living. I have movies and TV for that. I write comics for one reason and one reason only: I love comics. I love the form, the structure, the storytelling process, I love everything about it.

I was a big fan of sketch comedy and cartoons growing up.