Comedy Quotes
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"They told me to just "act like myself." When I said, "How do I do that?" they said to just have fun with it, but I'm not sure what they meant."
Quote by -Steve Martin
"The dictionary is a perfect example of overalphabetization, with its harsh rules and every little word neatly in place. It almost makes me want to go on a diet of grapes and waste away to nothing."
Quote by -Steve Martin
The reason I turn down 99% of a hundred, I mean a thousand, scripts is because romantic comedies are often very romantic but seldom very funny.
Quote by -Hugh Grant
"Comedy is harder than drama, because with comedy you're expecting a result..you make them laugh. [If] they ain't laughing then you're screwed."
Quote by -Billy Bob Thornton
"One of the first things I ever did was 'Critical Condition.' That was before 'Full House.' It was a Richard Pryor movie. I didn't have a giant part, but I was in it throughout. I loved the heck out of it."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"Like with any good art form, if you can entertain people and make them think, it's an honor. It's just an honor to be a comedian."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"The whole thing for me is that I did 'Full House' and 'America's Funniest Home Videos,' and I look like a dentist, and I'm a dad. Being known as a dirty comedian turned into this weird thing. It's people's image of me."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"There's just something about the audiences in Detroit that I've always felt connected to. Detroit is different."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I think things just happen to people. That's healthier, I feel, than believing there's some grand scheme where your story is already inscribed in the Book of Life. Books get rewritten."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"Now I've literally become neighborhood watch. I call 911 on people. I'm the old man driving 25-miles-per-hour down Sunset."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I had enough therapy to know when I broke it down, it became clearer to me: Yes, comedy was kind of a cleansing thing for me to do."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"It's still a soft R, but when I watch other people's standup, I'm dumbfounded that people call me dirty. That's only because I did family television."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I really love standup because it's something that I've been literally doing for 40 years, which means I'm a thousand years old."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"People learn English from 'Full House.' Candace's husband, Valeri Bure, he learned to speak English watching it... 'Aw, nuts.' 'You got it, dude.'"
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I wasn't the first choice for the role of Danny Tanner. Betty White was. Not true, but there was another actor whom they had shot the pilot with."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I love performing. I love the people. I sound like Liza Minnelli right now, don't I?"
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I've just never been a person that was political or religiously savvy. Except for the fact that I was born Jewish. That gives me 10 circumcision jokes."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I have a couple of jokes that are politically oriented, but it just sickens me to do them."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I was so depressed for so many years over trying to become a working comedian that my sense of self-worth would plummet."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"It's interesting to talk to young comedians. I love it because it makes me go, 'Oh, that's how I can be funny.'"
Quote by -Bob Saget
"Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone's ringing a lot more and I've got nine lines so when it doesn't ring, it's very frustrating."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I think Desperate Housewives is a pretty good show, I watch it, I like it and I don't love reality tv that much. I do watch some, I've got three daughters so we'll watch the good stuff, the fun stuff."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"It's 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It's enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren't there that are alive."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, 'you don't mention that part here.' But that's what's interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"The nature of comedy is 'just do it.' But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say 'I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.' I'll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will a family do out of desperation."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I just did a play in New York which has been my best experience that I've had for maybe ever. It was Paul Weitz's play called Privilege and I was in New York for three months."
Quote by -Bob Saget
"I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they're going to see it, especially her guy friends."
Quote by -Bob Saget