I try to make fun of everyone as often as possible, especially minorities.

You can act, or you can't. I'm sure a lot of people who are serious about acting would disagree, but I'm not really worried about them.

I remember having a conversation with my sister, saying, 'What if I don't make it? What if I'm still waiting tables when I'm 35?' I was just at the end of my rope. But I've been at the end of that rope several times.

My position as the best-selling author at E! is secure - unless Salman Rushdie develops a show with them.

Some people have a phobia of midgets. They're, like, scared of them. I have the opposite - I see them, and I want to hold them down, cuddle them, be like, 'Come here, you little nugget. Who's your mommy now?' So cute!

I thought I'd become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.

There's only so much you can say about celebrity, obviously.

I cannot be Mary Hart - or even worse, Samantha Harris - and stand there with my hip out talking about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes taking Suri to an art museum without making fun of it.

There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?'

I definitely don't want to have kids. I don't think I'd be a great mother. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have the time to raise a child.

Some people think Hollywood is shallow. I find that it's home.

Anyone who's married to Mariah Carey - I'm pretty sure - doesn't have a great sense of humor. I mean, let's be honest: she's ridiculous. What is her game plan?

If you talk about Lindsay Lohan for four or five days a week, you really can't bear to talk about her on the weekends.

I do think about marriage, but it's not the end-all goal.

Who would marry me anyway? I'm a handful.

Even my Mormon sister checks my rankings on Amazon.com.

I'm not friends with any of my exes, and I've never understood the appeal.

I'm not trying to be a role model to kids, because I don't have any children, but I do think everyone should have a free spirit.

There was never a moment when I was like, 'I'm going to enter the public conversation on the importance of female nudity.'

I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.

E! has just become a sad, sad place to live. They don't know what they're doing; they have no ideas... everything they do just is a failure.

Stand-up was my entree into the entertainment world. I didn't have to act out somebody else's words. I could just stand there with a microphone, and nobody would interrupt me. It's the most narcissistic thing you could probably do.

I think if you're gonna do something as silly and lighthearted as entertainment, then why not be interesting when you're doing it?

Once I turned 40, my whole life changed in the most mature - not boring way but much cooler way. I feel much more like an adult.