I want more stand-up comics in prime time. It's great for every comedian.

I'm even handed. I just point out the stupidity we all do.

I'm a crazy fat guy. And a strange one.

My children are terrific babies.

The day you don't mess with somebody, that would be exclusive rather than inclusive. I strive to be inclusive.

I've got a lot of charisma, plus women are forgiving and they can be charmed.

Michigan... it's a great state... somewhere.

I think it's funny when stereotypes happen.

I'm honest, at the end of the day - I'm obese, but I'm not obtuse.

I don't need the fame or power.

I got kids now... It gives you an empathetic feeling into other cultures and stuff.

I'm too Southern.

I'm not crooked, and I want to help people.

I'd like to be a U.S. senator from Tennessee.

My wife is my teammate. She's my best friend. I love her.

I do like two hours of new material every year.

Most comics can't produce the amount of material I produce.

My name is Ralphie. How many Ralphie's do you know? It's unique.

I'm dirty, I'm irreverent - but I'm still a very topical comedian.

The iPhone rules, but it does everything but get a call, you know? I can't tell you how many times my wife has been madder at me because cell phone coverage dropped and she thought I hung up on her.

There's certain stock lines that, you know, like heckler lines, you know, like, where did you learn to whisper, a helicopter, you know? Nobody owns those. I mean, someone first wrote it but it's been so universally used that it's common and it's called stock.

I'm blue collar, which means white trash with a job. But it also means people who take pride in what they do.

Atlanta is interesting. You have high education rates but there are plenty of regular folks. People have degrees but chop wood on weekends.

My audience has accepted me for a long time as, you know, not a fat comedian but a comedian who happens to be fat. That's a huge difference.