When I get emotional about something, that's usually when funny comes.

You can have a poli-science degree but if you don't know people, it doesn't do you a bit of good when you're talking to someone.

When I do jokes that maybe are seen as social commentary, I research them to the nth degree. I probably do more research than I do actual joke writing. I want to make sure what I'm saying is correct.

I didn't get into comedy to be loved by everybody.

I'm topical as hell. That's not going to change if I lose weight. There are a lot of comics that do 'fat jokes' better than I do - Louie Anderson, John Pinette, Gabriel Iglesias. These guys are phenomenal.

The overwhelming majority of my material has very little to do with my weight. It's certainly not the crux of my material.

I've always been Ralphie, ever since I was a kid. My grandfather was Ralph. It suits me better to be Ralphie.

I keep my nose clean. I let the drama go on with somebody else.

Fat people are the only people you can still make fun of in this country.

I never wanted to be known as a fat comic, just a comic who happens to be fat.

I wouldn't want my comedy show to hurt anybody. I'm not Donald Trump.

I don't like being run out of any town.

My average fan works for about $20 per hour, if they are lucky enough to have a job. And then factoring in insurance, taxes and such, they're maybe bringing home $15 per hour. If my tickets are just under $30, it took them about two hours of their life to make the money to come see my show. Why shouldn't I give them two hours too?

I think there's a bias against fat people on network television.

I've been enjoying classes at the gym, where people look at me because I'm fat. At the end of the workout, they're sucking air and I've beaten them because I have more heart, because I had it much harder.

I loved 'Celebrity Fit Club,' working out six days a week, running a mile and a half three times a week, and doing 1,000 crunches and sit-ups a day with a trainer. I did too much, but I lost 78 pounds of fat and 18 inches around my waist in four months.

When I was up for the film 'Dreamcatcher,' to play the role of an overweight kid, I was told I'm too fat to play the fat guy. That's like telling a Mexican to get a tan.

The comedians I always loved and respected the most were always filthy degenerates.

I don't get much respect from the industry in general, but that's OK. I didn't get into it for respect. I got into it to make people laugh, and that's what I'm doing. That's all I give a damn about.

Some nights you walk off stage and go 'That was a good crowd.'

While complex acting roles are lacking for actresses, what's even more rare are female directors.

I have to admit that I was never into the boy band craze of the late '90s and the early aughts. I was into more adult things like Ricky Martin. For reals.

If I'm going to be completely honest, I did not get the appeal of IFC's 'Portlandia' initially.

I love any TV show that has to do with singing.