I don't know who in my family thinks very fast at all, including me. The things that people see me do onstage are written, so it doesn't have to be very quick if you have all day with a pen.

But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It's like anything else. It's a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever.

I've been offered starring roles in horrible movies, but I just didn't want to do it. I don't see why you would.

My favorite bands are the Allman Brothers and Red Hot Chili Peppers.

People used to say I'm regional, but I'm not... We all have the same human condition.

I do a lot of gay-friendly stuff in my show, and men, women, they all love it. I practice non-judgment in my daily life and hope other people do the same thing.

Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.

Here's how I operate. When I see something I like, 20 years later, I ask her brother for her phone number. She don't even see me coming.

I write these shows one joke at a time. There's no continuity. I do try to figure an order to the stories, but there's not continuity.

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.

You can tell on-stage when a joke's starting to lose its pop. It doesn't mean people don't want to hear it anymore; it means I don't want to do it anymore. Because I want to move on to something that has a knee-jerk reaction just like you get when you tell somebody a joke that they've never heard.

The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.

That's the beauty of being a straight-to-DVD star. It really helps you stay under the media's radar.

I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.

My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.

I don't like to do burnt material on stage. Even though my crowd loves to hear me do old stuff, I don't like to do old stuff. So I do very, very little of it.

I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid.

As long as I stay engaged with everybody else, then I'll create more comedy. It's just when I shut off and stay at home... What helps me is just to keep moving.

I was a comedy fan when I was a little kid.

As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny.

If you watch the 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour,' don't expect that when you come see me by myself, 'cause it's a little rougher.

All of my comedian friends are some of the best joke writers in the world.

There have been times when I played more than others, but I've been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I've always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.

I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.