Comics write to their point of view. If you're an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you've got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.

I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.

You're on stage and because stand-up comedy is one of the few meritocracies in the entertainment industry, there's some kind of - at least for me, there's some kind of idea of control.

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.

Lifetime is television for women. Yet for some reason, there's always a woman getting beaten on that channel. "In a Lifetime original, Meredith Baxter-Berney gets beaten with a rod. In a Lifetime original, Rod."

My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.

When I started stand-up - and this is in the '90s - there was definitely people hadn't watched decades of Comedy Central, where people are really much more educated on stand-up comedy.

The DC Improv food is amazingly edible for a comedy club.

My comedy is romanticized laziness.

Comedy is a very lucrative business now, but when everyone first went into it, it didn't make sense from a financial standpoint.

I think when I started doing stand-up, that's when I really tried to question everything in my belief system which is - I think a pretty important part of being a comedian is really questioning things.

I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.

Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.

I think stand-up comedy is this - it's this kind of indulgence and narcissism.

I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do the style of comedy that works for them. There's no kind of shrewd calculation going into the type of standup we all do. It's like David Cross is supposed to be doing the David Cross' type of standup.

There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.

"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody

I've never tried fatback. Probably 'cause it's called fatback. I don't know which word creeps me out more: fat or back. Why don't they just throw in "hairy" while they're at it? "This is some delicious hairy fatback."

Bureaucrats shouldn't be in charge of comedy.

By watching the great, old comedians I picked up a few tricks about how to do physical comedy. And whenever I could learn something, I sort of added that to my repertoire.

When you do comedy in front of an audience, they are the ones who tell you whether it's funny or not and which bits are funny and which bits need to be fixed.

When you've been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don't know a specific joke, you can pretty much guess what it's going to be.

Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited.