“If I could, I would leave an open space for your story on every page.” 

“Laughter is an orgasm of the mind.” 

“The Platonic idealist is the man by nature so wedded to perfection that he sees in everything not the reality but the faultless ideal which the reality misses and suggests.”

“I think the revolutionary role of a writer is to make language that makes coalition possible, language that makes us see things in a new way.” 

“This balance between tribe and individuality, community and uniqueness, was a surprise in a world that makes us think we have to make a choice between them.” 

“And I was angry because the media took racism seriously - or pretended to - but with sexism, they rarely bothered even to pretend.” 

“Sometimes when I'm in the midst of all this, I can hear my mother saying, 'Democracy is just something you must do every day, like brushing your teeth.” 

“YOU CANNOT THINK YOURSELF INTO RIGHT LIVING. YOU LIVE YOURSELF INTO RIGHT THINKING

“We are so different, yet so much the same.” 

“I can go on the road - because I can come home. I come home - because I'm free to leave. Each way of being is more valued in the presence of the other.” 

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

The French make two mistakes about me. They think I'm an intellectual because I wear these glasses and they think I'm an artist because my films lose money.

I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.

I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

Hey, I'm not a politician. I'm a ham. I love to give speeches.

I do not want to be a pawn in a political campaign.

There's no doubt in my mind that whichever commander ordered the blowing up of Kamisiyah did so in following the instructions that he had received.

This gulf war syndrome thing is truly unfortunate, and I've met some of the vets who have this. These are my guys, and I feel terrible about it.

When I fish, I stop thinking about anything else. But truth be told, if you want to declare victories, I can tell you the fish have won a lot more than I have. It's interesting that something with a brain the size of a fish's can outsmart us humans, who think we are el supremo.

I'd like to think I'm a caring human being.