“Like the spider spinning its web, we create much of the outer world from within ourselves. The universe is a joint product of the observer and the observed.” 

“And I was angry because the media took racism seriously - or pretended to - but with sexism, they rarely bothered even to pretend.” 

“Voting isn't the most we can do, but it is the least.” 

“According to the wisdom of Indian Country on my own continent, it takes four generations to heal one act of violence. What” 

“Needing approval is a female cultural disease, and often a sign of doing the wrong thing.” 

“It's important for someone who could play the game - and win - to say: 'the game isn't worth shit.” 

“We are so different, yet so much the same.” 

“I worshipped dead men for their strength, forgetting I was strong.” 

“The driver, an old Irish woman, the only such cabbie I’ve ever seen, turned to us at a traffic light and said the immortal words, “Honey, if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament!” 

“Only food and water are more important than music and privacy,” 

I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.

I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

The fun of fishing is catching 'em, not killing 'em.

I get angry at a principle, not a person.

An awful lot has been written about my temper.

I like to say I'm not a hero.

Going to war without France is like going hunting without an accordion.

War is a profane thing.

“Success is sweet, but the secret is sweat.” 

“I will confess to you that, you know, one of the statements that’s been attributed to me that I’m sort of proud of is somebody said, you know, “What do we do about Osama bin Laden?” And they asked me, “Can we forgive him?” And I said, “Forgiveness is up to God. I just hope we hurry up the meeting.” And that’s the way I feel about him, really. [8 February 2003 show of Meet The Press, NBC News]”