"I had a good loud voice and I wasn't afraid to be goofy or zany."

"If I go to a party, I'm not one to be the funniest person in the room at all."

"I am not a joke-teller. Stand-up, I couldn't do."

"My preference is for people who can do sketch comedy or situational comedy, where it's not a joke, but it's telling a story."

"It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington."

"It's not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you're an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I'm proud to say that I'm not a one-trick pony."

"I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy."

"Comedy = tragedy + time."

"Observation: I can't see a thing. Conclusion: Dinosaurs."

"I don't think I was a good comedian."

"I've met so many remarkable people so far, coming up through stand-up all these years, who just aren't alive anymore. Because they are dead. Some really great people who helped change my life and career, people like Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison, Rodney Dangerfield, Johnny Carson."

"Comedians' first ten minutes usually stay with them the first several years of their career. It's their mission statement. Their disclaimer that lets people know who they are. Or were. It's also a good time to make fun of your name if you have a funny or strange one."

"There was this whole middle time that only Chris Rock came out of, you know, 10 years ago it was Chris and a few other people, but that's about it. Chris is in a class of his own; I don't see another comedian who I put in high regard as him."

"I've had a pilot every single year that didn't sell for the past four years, that'll smack you in the back of the head. I had a really good one last year; I wouldn't have done the play in New York if I had gotten that one."

"I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet."

"Celebrity is a word that I find offensive. That's the c-word. I hate it. It means no discernible talent. It means all you want is to be famous. It doesn't mean you're a writer, an actor, a mime. I think I wanna not be a celebrity."

"As soon as I go into a dark subject, like discussing the people I've loved and lost, I off-road into absurdist comedy perversion. It's both a means of protection and a kind of denial, a blessing and a curse. Wait, it's not a blessing at all. I guess it would be a bad habit and a curse."

"I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought you really loved me.' It's all about how bad people are and I just hate that. I like Pimp my Ride where someone is helping somebody."

"I become a chameleon for wherever I am."

"When you've seen a lot of bad stuff and just want to enjoy your life and be happy and have your kids happy and have your friends happy, you just have a value system where it raises the bar on what's important."

"I really love making people laugh."

"Unless cameras were rolling, I was pretty much not Danny Tanner."

"I've taken Midol before. My daughters find that hilarious. I had a headache and cramps, and there were no other pain relievers with caffeine in the house."

"I am a fortunate man in that all three of my daughters are exceptional. Very high beings, very smart people, very wonderful and very brilliant, very beautiful. They're all artists."