I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.

The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you shouldn't have.

I grew up in an entertainment family, and so I saw how susceptible you are to the ups and downs of this business.

When a dramatic actor does a funny film, people are like, 'Wonderful! I didn't know he was funny!' But when it flips, people can get really thrown by it.

There are a lot of really funny guys who are very natural in what they do: Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Seth Rogen.

There's always going to be someone as funny as you or funnier.

I don't have to be bam, bam, bam, funny when I'm working. I can tell stories, and there's some funny in them.

I don't have to be bam, bam, bam, funny when I'm working. I can tell stories, and there's some funny in them.

It was funny if you looked at it right quick, but it got pitiful if you thought about it awhile.

The funny thing is, I'm not really a big reader, not a big fan of books in the first place.

The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.

I tell you, it's funny because the only time I think about HIV is when I have to take my medicine twice a day.

I tell you, it's funny because the only time I think about HIV is when I have to take my medicine twice a day.

Woman: You certainly know the way to a man's heart. Mae West: Funny, too, 'cause I don't know how to cook.

Every man has a right to a Saturday night bath.

Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright.

I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

When I'm at home alone, I run up the stairs naked. It's quite funny.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

I really wanted to just be a musician. I didn't want to be anything else, but I was funny and all that.

"I think it's funny that we have to answer these things (about Gretzky). After all, the highlight of our lives is playing in the Olympics right now. It's a great opportunity to compete at the highest standard of hockey. So for people to waste their time asking these questions, we just brush them off and move on."

"My way of joking is telling the truth; that is the funniest joke in the world"

"There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it."