Funny Quotes
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It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
One way to make sure crime doesn't pay would be to let the government run it.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
Politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, coast for a while, and then have a hell of a close.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emission standards from man-made sources.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby".
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
Until now has there ever been a time in which so many of the prophecies are coming together? There have been times in the past when people thought the end of the world was coming, and so forth, but never anything like this.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
We were told four years ago that 17 million people went to bed hungry every night. Well, that was probably true. They were all on a diet.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
Today a newcomer to the state is automatically eligible for our many aid programs the moment he crosses the border.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
We think there is a parallel between federal involvement in education and the decline in profit over recent years.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
They've done away with those committees. That shows the success of what the Soviets were able to do in this country.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
I know all the bad things that happened in that war. I was in uniform four years myself.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
I have a feeling that we are doing better in the war than the people have been told.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
I've said it before and I'll say it again. The U.S. Geological Survey has told me that the proven potential for oil in Alaska alone is greater than the proven reserves in Saudi Arabia.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
Growing and decaying vegetation in this land are responsible for 93 percent of the oxides of nitrogen.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
But I also happen to be someone who believes in tithing--the giving of a tenth .
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
I have flown twice over Mount St. Helens out on our West Coast. I'm not a scientist and I don't know the figures, but I have a suspicion that that one little mountain has probably released more sulfur dioxide into the atmosphere of the world than has been released in the last ten years of automobile driving or things of that kind that people are so concerned about.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
The little dictator who went to Moscow in his green fatigues to receive a bear hug did not forsake the doctrine of Lenin when he returned to the West and appeared in a two-piece suit. (On Daniel Ortega Saavedra)
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
If you put it on the table as a bargaining chip, it becomes a bargaining chip
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah.
Quote by -Ronald Reagan
If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?
Quote by -John Cleese
years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.
Quote by -John Cleese
Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies
Quote by -John Cleese
When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play as well.
Quote by -John Cleese
I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."
Quote by -Jim Gaffigan