Christmas Quotes
Find one of the best and famous quote catagorized into topics like inspirational, motivations, deep, thoughtful, art, success, passion, frindship, life, love and many more.
“If a man called Christmas Day a mere hypocritical excuse for drunkeness and gluttony, that would be false, but it would have a fact hidden in it somewhere. But when Bernard Shaw says that Christmas Day is only a conspiracy kept up by Poulterers and wine merchants from strictly business motives, then he says something which is not so much false as startling and arrestingly foolish. He might as well say that the two sexes were invented by jewellers who wanted to sell wedding rings.”
Quote by -Gilbert K Chesterton
“In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift."”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?”
Quote by -Milton Berle
“I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.”
Quote by -Milton Berle
"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful."
Quote by -Norman Vincent Peale
"Certain opuscules, denominated 'Christmas Books,' with the ostensible intention of swelling the tide of exhilaration, or other expansive emotions, incident upon the exodus of the old and the inauguration of the new year"
Quote by -William M. Thackeray
"Christmas is forced upon a reluctant and disgusted nation by the shopkeepers and the press; on its own merits it would wither and shrivel in the fiery breath of universal hatred."
Quote by -George Bernard Shaw
"We came back after Christmas and the guys worked so hard to get better. It's encouraging when different guys step in and contribute each night."
Quote by -Rick Comley
"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
Quote by -Erma Bombeck
I like the idea of putting your Christmas wish list up and letting people share it.
Quote by -Bill Gates
“Any one thinking of the Holy Child as born in December would mean by it exactly what we mean by it; that Christ is not merely a summer sun of the prosperous but a winter fire for the unfortunate.”
Quote by -Gilbert K Chesterton
“The more we are proud that the Bethlehem story is plain enough to be understood by the shepherds, and almost by the sheep, the more do we let ourselves go, in dark and gorgeous imaginative frescoes or pageants about the mystery and majesty of the Three Magian Kings.”
Quote by -Gilbert K Chesterton
“The great majority of people will go on observing forms that cannot be explained; they will keep Christmas Day with Christmas gifts and Christmas benedictions; they will continue to do it; and some day suddenly wake up and discover why.”
Quote by -Gilbert K Chesterton
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
Quote by -Maya Angelou
Christmas Day was special because everybody is watching at home. That's what I loved about Christmas Day because it shined the spotlight on the Lakers, on our team, and we knew that all of the other leagues were at home and millions of people were watching. So it made it a special day to play on Christmas.
Quote by -Magic Johnson
"He [Erasmus Darwin] used to say that 'unitarianism was a feather-bed to catch a falling Christian."
Quote by -Charles Darwin
"My beerdrunk soul is sadder than all the dead christmas trees of the world."
Quote by -Charles Bukowski
Christianity is the best way to cure gayness—just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.
Quote by -Stephen Colbert
What you should do is to say to outsiders that a Christian has neither more nor less rights in our association than an atheist.
Quote by -Susan B. Anthony