"It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington."

"It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington."

"It's not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you're an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I'm proud to say that I'm not a one-trick pony."

"Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing."

"I'm not ashamed of being a bubbly, funny person. I think that's as valid as being the dark, brooding, tortured Oscar-nominated one."

"I've never been a fluffy sort of woman."

"Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny."

"I find it so funny that people find me so interesting."

"I'm the luckiest broad on two feet, I'll tell you that. They say once a woman passes 40 she doesn't get any good parts, so I'm blessed."

"It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married."

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." 

"You gotta be hungry!" 

“Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.” 

“A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"” 

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” 

“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.” 

“A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.” 

“They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.” 

“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?” 

As you get older there shouldn't be anything you won't try. The payoff is that you open up whole new avenues that are fun. It's a misinterpretation of life to live it only in preparation for the next one. To subordinate the one you've got to an indefinite next round is foolish. It's a waste of this life not to live this life. What's next is anybody's guess.

When the joy of the job's gone, when it's no fun trying anymore, quit before you're fired.

Advice: It's more fun to give than to receive.

It's more fun to arrive a conclusion than to justify it.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?