"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me... aren't you?"

"A hangover is the wrath of grapes."

"Now, look, baby, 'Union' is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word."

"Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker."

"Explain me to myself, you’ll make me choke on my lunch. Feel sympathy for me, I’ll puke monkey blood on your understated shoes."

"The cheesecake was smooth and lush, with the personality of a warm and well-to-do uncle who knows a hundred dirty jokes and will die of sexual exertions in the arms of his mistress."

"Shit is universal no matter which language."

"I'm really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen."

"In a way, I feel that film roles haven't given me the opportunity to show I have a sense of humor."

"I've often said the most difficult things I have to say to people through humour. I can very quickly put someone in their place with it. But we all walk away unscathed because there's been some funnies around it, and I'll usually make sure that it comes back at me."

"I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at their wasted empty lives."

"Authors, he thought. Even the sane ones are nuts."

"I've been very lucky enough to do all kinds of movies. All the movies that I've done have been very different, and all the characters I've done have been very different. I feel very lucky to have been able to do the movies that I've done."

"I am not a redhead, I'm a blonde."

"Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue."

"Humour is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue."

"An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men."

"Nothing is worse than to finish a good shit, then reach over and find the toilet paper container empty. Even the most horrible human being on earth deserves to wipe his ass."

""People "run from rain but sit in bathtubs full of water."

"In the morning it was morning and I was still alive."

"Love is all right for those who can handle the psychic overload. It's like trying to carry a full garbage can on your back over a rushing river of piss."

"There is always one woman to save you from another and as that woman saves you she makes ready to destroy"

"Baby," I said, "I'm a genius but nobody knows it but me."

"A woman has to be intelligent, have charm, a sense of humor, and be kind. It's the same qualities I require from a man."