Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

I think 'Country Girl' is one song that can veer into country or hip-hop or rap. You can listen to it and enjoy the humor and the fun in it.

A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright.

When I'm at home alone, I run up the stairs naked. It's quite funny.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.

So since I'm still here livin', I guess I will live on. I could've died for love-- But for livin' I was born.

Don't part from me in any ill humor. I never knew you to be out of patience with me before.

"The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself."

"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility."

"What I've always done as an entertainer is try to come up with things that people will find interesting, or compelling, or humorous."

"I get a lot of comics, and I can look at a comic and tell immediately whether I'll enjoy it or not. There are elements in the stories that I have no rapport with. I see dirty language, I see sleazy backgrounds; I see it reflected in the movies, the movies are comics to me. And I don't see a sleazy world. I see hope. I see a positive world."

"Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide."

"When humor goes, there goes civilization."

"Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of surprises."

"Humor is reason gone mad."

"It is the mark of a superior person that, left to themselves they are able endlessly to amuse, interest and entertain themselves out of their personal stock of meditations, ideas, criticisms, memories, philosophy, humor and what not."

"Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind."

"Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process."

"I knew I finally made it as a performer when I began hearing rumors that I was gay."